Feeling Sick

WARNING: This post may be too much information for some people who know me.
Reason: talking about menstrual cycle

I've been feeling pretty awful all day. I've had nasty cramps that Ibuprofen and even stronger stuff couldn't do much for. Seems like day one and two of my period are almost always like that, though I think this time is unusually bad. Today I have the luxury of being able to sit at home with a blanket and read. It's nice. It's also nowhere near so bad as when I had an IUD. That was the worst pain of my life.
So all in all this is not so very bad, but still I wish my back and tummy didn't hurt so much.

A few things I saw today

Alex sleeping on the bed

Russian Sage (I think) blooming a few blocks away

This bunch of Russian Sage grows on 29th St. near the co-op. This plants are one of my favorite things about late summer.

Kissing at Cannon Beach

Andrew and Me kissing outside the coffee shop at Cannon Beach

I like this photo a lot. My sister, Sarah took it. We had to hold the pose, so if you look really closely at it you can tell that Andrew is trying not to laugh.  Good job, Pookie (aka Sarah) this is one of my favorite photos of Andrew and me. 

Alex Born April 15 2012

Alex sitting in what is currently his favorite spot

Andrew and I went to the humane society yesterday and found Alex. His name was Perseus, but we felt that it was too long and didn't suit him. He is a very mellow kitten; playful but relaxed.
Ember is grumpy about him being here. He is not her Julius. Of course Alex cannot replace Julius, but I think he will be a good kitty.  I miss purry Ember. Transitions are a pain. I think he and Ember will be cuddling in less than a week, but for the moment there is a fair bit of hissing for the disgruntled Ember.

Alex is trying to eat one of my bras as I type. I always forget just how playful kittens are. He has funny sleeping habits. I woke up in the night last night to find that Alex was under my pillow. I had a moment of alarm. Had he suffocated? He stretched and purred. Nope he just likes to sleep in strange places. He spent a lot of this afternoon napping on top of the bucket where we keep the ferret bedding. I had left a towel on it.

Julius Died Sunday August 19, 2012

Sunday morning as Andrew and I were getting ready to leave for my parents house, we noticed that Julius was acting strangely. He was meowing, which was normal for him but he wasn't walking around which was weird. When I went over to talk to him, I found that he couldn't move his back legs. They were completely lifeless. He seemed to be coming to this realization at about the same time that I was. He starting trying to drag himself around getting more and more upset. I started to cry as I looked for a vet that was open on Sunday. I guess I kind of knew there was not going to be a way to fix whatever was broken. The vet told us that his heart had thrown a clot which had lodge near his spin cutting off circulation to his back legs. Putting him down was really the only thing to do. Andrew got Julius to purr for a minute while we were in the vet office.
There was paperwork, an IV and then his was gone; not scared anymore just gone. I couldn't stop crying, so I just multitasked. Making decisions about cremation. No. What sized bag would you like to take him home in? No bag just the blanket we used to bring him in. The vet hugged me. She seemed really sad.
We buried Julius at my parents house in the garden next to Molly the dog. I called ahead and asked my dad to dig a grave for me. Andrew pointed out that I might want to use a different phrasing. That made me laugh a little but I was still multitasking. When it was time to put him in the ground I asked Andrew and Dad to give me a minute to say goodbye. His body had gone cold and stiff, but I held him close and bawled my heart out. I apparently scarred most of my family away. When I looked up they had all gone inside except Dad and Andrew.
 It's been almost a week now. I miss my fat orange kitty. Andrew misses him too, I know. Ember is very lonely.

Cannon Beach at the Insomnia Coffee Shop

Sarah and Joe sitting at the coffee shop

Sarah- "I'm going to get my coffee!"

Joe - "where did she go?"

Joe-"I will take over the world while she is gone!"

Sarah - "what you lookin at!"

Sarah has coffee. Joe has Sarah. All is well in the wold.

Andrew - "life is interesting."

Dispelling the Thrawl of Guilt

 
More than two years ago, I broke somebody's heart. He made his pain clear; held me on the phone for hours talking about how he wanted to kill himself and making me cry until I threw up. I loved him very much. It hurt me to hurt him, but I couldn't stay. The breakup was messy. I number it amongst the things that I think of when I wish I had done things better. Still, it needed to be done. Finally, I did what I should have done from the begining, I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore and stopped anwering his calls. If you want a wound to heal, you have to stop poking it.
He has over 4 thousand dollars worth of my stuff. Some of it was on loan and some of it I told him  I would give him in exchange for him finishing up a project that we'd been working on. Most of it was technology and so has deteriorated in value since then. However, I've been asking for the stuff that was on loan to be returned and the project to be finished for much more than a year now.
I've finally given up and realized the obvious. I'm not the only one who acted shitty in that whole mess. My ex is not a victim. At least not anymore than everybody is. I had every right to leave. This last statement is obvious, however, it's surprisingly hard to believe. Especially when somebody whom you loved and trusted tries to convince you otherwise.
I went on a cleaning spree, yesterday. I brought in all my boxes from the garage and dug through them. I usually keep one of two of those big plastic bins full of clothes that I am temporarily tired of. It so happens that there are some very beautiful things that have taken up perminant residence in there because they were gifts from my ex. Somehow I just couldn't get rid of the. It felt like it would be a betrayal...
A betrayal of what exactly? I owe him nothing. I don't need to hang on to this pain just because I know that we wants me to.
I put the stuff that was useful out on the sidewalk with a free sign. Some of it I threw away. I'm going to burn anymore love letters that I find. Like all dead things, dead feelings deserve a  proper funeral. If you keep them around sometimes they develop a life of their own and jump out like drooling zombie emotions; dead and hungry for more aguish to feed their evil. Goodbye guilt. I'm letting you go. The past is the past.
Exboyfriend, if you have found this blog and are reading this, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I hope you're happy with my stuff. "Life is life now!"

A small adventure.

I was upset. Stressed to the point where my thoughts went round and round in unproductive circles. It was dizzying. The heat has been keeping me from sleeping well the last few days. I told Andrew that I needed a walk, grabbed my phone and stumbled out into the brightness. I don't know why but walking in a more or less straight line nearly always does the same for me thoughts. They inevitably stop looping and become calmer more logical and more linear when I walk; not pace mind you, but walk. I headed south towards campus. It's pleasantly green and the old neighborhoods this side of it are shaded by big maple treas.
I called Mom and Sarah and told them about the troubles of the day. The talking too inevitably cleared my head.
The heat was enough to have chased most sensible people inside. When I reached Oak Creek, I scrambled down the bank and put my feet in the water. Oak creek is mostly ankle deep at this time of year, but it has carved itself deep barks during spring and winter floods. It was quiet and shady. There were water striders and I spotted a crawdad. After sitting on a gravel bar with my feet in the water for a while, enough of the peacefulness of the place had seeped into my soul for me to think about going back home.
I decided that I would sit down in the creek so that I would be nice and cool for my walk home. Sitting in the creek was so nice and calming that I stayed there for some minutes watching the water striders and smelling the smells of cool water, decaying plants and growing things.
I would have stayed there longer but the damn crawdad bit me! That got me up quick. He didn't really get a hold so it didn't hurt, but boy was I surprised. Every crawdad that I've ever met has made a point of staying away from people. By the time I got home, my clothes were nearly dry, but the coldness from the creek was still with me and I didn't mind the heat so much. Before too long, I fell asleep on the living room floor. The cats kept me company.

Lock Out

Guy Pierce (I have a new actor crush)

Joseph Gilgun (the one without a shirt)

Just watched Lockout. I think it's fun as long as you judge it with cartoon logic and do your best ignore the usual laws of physics. I saw Guy Pierce in Momento and Joseph Gilgun in Misphits. For both actors, I prefer them in their roles in Lockout. Joseph Gilgun really does an awfully good job playing a creep. It just doesn't work when you're supposed to root for him (Misfits).

There is an alarm set for 5:30am sitting next to the bed. Andrew and I are trying to simplify life by getting into regular sleeping habits and hopefully sticking with them once term starts. Wish us luck!

Ian's visit

Andrew's eight year old nephew has been vising Andrew and me for the last ten days. It's been good but very tiring. We are taking him back home to Southern Oregon tomorrow. I think that I am going to need a very quiet walk or hike to recharge. We did lots of cool stuff and took cool pictures and I hope to post them... but not now.
On other random lifeness, I have been sneezing a lot and my eyes have been all itchy the last several days. Runny nose too. Also (I think unrelatedly) a giant spider ran across the bed. I will confess, it freaked me out so much that I dropped the phone hanging up on Mom and begged Andrew to kill it please forgetting everything my Dad instilled in me about putting spiders in jars and freeing them outside. I am ashamed to say that I very nearly climbed on Andrews desk to be farther away from it. The giant spider is dead. Sorry spider.

Wahtum Lake Part 4

Ronnie watching Melanie and Blake strike camp

Yes I notice that Wahtum Lake part 3 is currently missing. I don't seem to have properly saved the draft. So I will have to do it again, but I am too lazy just now.
After striking camp we trooped back to the lake and the cars to leave our gear. I had planned to explore the trails around the lake after we had deposited our gear. However I kept overhearing people talking about Starbucks, and I began to wonder if I was the only one in the group who wasn't done with the woods for the weekend.
I said, "You know we don't have to stay out here for the rest of the day if you guys don't want to." There was a big chorus of "oh I'm fine." So I put it to a vote. "All in favor of spending the afternoon in nature, raise your hand." Andrew had already gone to hang out in the truck making his views of continuing to hang out in nature clear enough. Everyone else sat looking awkwardly from one to another until they realized that nobody was raising a hand. Then they all laughed and we headed back to civilization.

Our campsite viewed from the trail

A creek we crossed

Cool fungi along the trail

The edge of Wahtum Lake

Sarah and Joe on the way home

After spending some time at my parents Andrew and I drove Joe and Sarah home to Seattle. They offered to have us stay the night but we wanted to get back as far towards our home as possible. So we just dropped them off and headed back to mom and dad's. Six hours of driving bleh. Uncharacteristically, I did half of it. Andrew usually does the majority of the driving. On this occasion,however, he was too tired. I (characteristically) had taken a nap and so was up to it.

Andrew and I were up very late

Origin Stories

My friend Abi likes to use Andrew, myself, and her younger brother as guinea-pigs for writing exercises that she designs for some local kids. In this particular exercise we made a lists as a group to get ideas flowing. The first was a list of ordinary events. The second  was a list up super powers. We chose one from each list and then we all spent 15 minutes writing an "origin story". I have Andrew's and mine written down here below. I would like to give you the one that Abi did but I don't have it. Perhaps she can give it to me?

Bathroom and Teleportation
Spiderman gained his power in a somewhat private way... though he ended up wearing skin-tight spandex and swinging around on silk ropes. Like Spiderman, I too have a super power. Bu, that is where the similarities end. My superpower is teleportation, which I think has more sex appeal than spewing silk from wrist-holes... Also, I don't wear skin-tight spandex, or any spandex for that matter. My "origin story" however is far worse than Spiderman or any other superhero. It all began in a Tacobell bathroom...

I don't know how I came poses my powers, perhaps it was a genetic mutation (x-men style) or maybe I was bit by a radioactive spider in my sleep (I doubt this however due to my cleaning and sleeping habbits). For all I know, my my powers could have com from the taco I just ate. Anyway as you can probably guess, learning you can teleport while going to the bathroom is not something glamorous.. or clean. Knowing that I will not tell you the whole story but onlythat it involved teleporting to the bedroom of the gril I had a crush on (and in her bed to be specific). I tried to clean "it" up, but I could hear her comeing and began to wish that I could be anywhere else, even if it was a dark hole somewhere. I never did find out where that hole was, but I did figuure out that I had a "super power" and how to use it. Simple think of where I want to go and want I bad enough.
The End
~Andrew~

Making Coffee...
The morning was a gray and gloomy one. I wanted to stay in bed, but going to class was what I was doing. I was stressing about how coffee would take too long and I would be late for class when Andrew handed me a Red Bull. Andrew is my boyfriend. I guess we'll get married one of these days but for the moment we are just trying to get through college. The Red bull was cold. Red Bull is supposed to be served cold it's gross any other way. I wanted somthing hat but caffeine is caffeine. Andrew handed me the drink.
He grinned, "red bull gives you wings!"
I think the stuff gives you weird burps, but what ever. I made a face at Andrew. Sort of cross eyed with my tongue out to one side.and flapped my arms. That's my way of saying, "thanks, I love you, sweety." 
I snatched the drink and raced out the door chugging it. I was half way to class my brain still foggy with the dream I'd bad thath morning (something about chemistry and vacuums), when I realized that my fast paced walk had slowed to a crawl. The next thing that I noticed was a super short man walking past me. He must have been a midget because I am no giant and his head only came up to my waist. He was staring at me. Our eyes met. Embarassed, I looked down at my feet. then I screamed becaused they were three feet off the ground and walking on nothing. The man stared as I drifted upward. I was flying.
~Jenny (Me) ~

Wahtum Lake Part 2

Naomi seems to have escaped zombification

Wahtum Lake

 The area around the lake was too crowded to make for pleasant camping at least to my way of thinking.(After all how am I supposed to make them kill each other if there are a bunch of people around.) So we admired the lake and set of down the trail in search of a quiet camping stop. From the map I knew that there were a few so we wouldn't have to hike more than three miles... probably.

More Wahtum Lake

How far are we going? I don't know.

Backpacking Wahtum Lake Part 1

The view of Mt. Hood from the back roads.

The Adventure Begins.

 Blake figured out my dastardly scheme and pointed out that this was the picture that I would show at the begining out my documentarty before I gave them three water tablets each released them all into the wilderness Hunger games style. That's Andrew in the orange shirt. Melanie and Sarah are sporting the plad. Joe and Naomie to the right. That's Ronnie in the middle with me. I'm betting on her to win the games. Blake thinks that if he in sneaky and wears orange to blend in with Andrew it will give him an advantage. But it won't work. WE know you're back their Blake, hiding behind Andrew's sholder.

Sarah taking a picture of Mt. Hood along the road.

 We began out journey by taking the back roads to the trail. You trade the inconvenience of dealing with single lane gravel roads for incredible views of Mt. Hood. It only took about 15 minutes longer than the freeway. If you have time for views, I highly recommend it. If you're driving in the dark, I advise against it. If you're searching google maps it comes up as route 2.

Sarah and Joe figure out their packs while I study the arena... I mean the map (shifty glance)

Then I released the virus.

Did somebody say zombies?

That's right. The Hunger Games meets Blair Witch Project meets The Walking Dead. It'sss sure to be a hit.