Buddy Playing Fetch

We're at the dog park in this video. As you can tell, Buddy loves the soccer ball.

Today's To Do's

I'm sore before I even start. Why does my list have to be so freaking physical? Woe is I!

0. Do Pilates (3 minutes version) 55 lbs of exuberant dog sure makes that harder
1. Sand the wall
2. Put on another coat of skim
2.5 Fill hummingbird feeder
3. Go to Ace for primer
4. Put up the window trim
5. Sand the wall (again)
6. Touch up wall ? (maybe it won't need it) It needed it
7. Paint the wall with primer
8.
Well I almost did it all. I got distracted and did some laundry, went to the dog park, played with the ferrets. I call it a good day.

Double Edged Ambition

Procrastinating on a task that you hate by working on another task that you hate is an effective way of getting things done. However, when it is overused, it can have the unfortunate side effect of making you miserable.
Unfortunately for me, I have an obsessive one-track tenancies that become exaggerated when I feel out of sorts. If you knew me during certain years of college you may remember when all I talked about was the martial arts. I am that way. I think a lot of people are. It mostly serves me well. Sometimes it doesn't.
There are two big obstacles in my life that are bothering me right now. One: the unfinished state of the house. Two: my lack of money-making employment.
In both cases there are actions I can take to clamber over the aforementioned obstacles. In both cases it's challenging and frustrating.

One
I don't feel like I have an natural aptitude for construction/home renovation work. Maybe nobody does. I can learn it and I am. I guess that's all there is to it. Unfortunately, I can't help comparing myself to Andrew, who, whether due to natural talent or merely years of experience, is exceptionally competent. I can't say I really expect myself to ever quite keep up with him in this area, but I strive to come close. In my own opinion, I am not learning fast enough.
I have a healthy dose competitiveness infused deeply into my nature. It drives me. I struggle to outdo myself; I struggle to outdo others. Healthy? Maybe not since it has me feeling bad about myself.   Drive and ambition  are mostly a good things, every attribute has it dark side.

Two
The job thing is a "soul crush." I'm not along. So many people my age have felt this or are feeling it. We work hard. We struggle through school. We apply to the jobs. We get rejected over and over and over. Sometimes we get rejected before we even start the application. "Ah, an entry level job in my field...oh, they want ten years of experience." It's rough, but here are some words that I find darkly comforting. I read them on the blog of an acquaintance. She was about my age meaning 30ish with some serious relationships and life experience under her belt. She said that the soul crushing pain of the fruitless job search was the worst she had ever been through. She said no boy trouble came close.

I remember reading that with mixed pity and revulsion. Those are the words of a person who has never truly been in love. She'd had the chance, too.
"no boy trouble came close." I think of those words now, and I think to myself, "well, at least I'm not like that!"
If those are the words of a strong or empowered human being then count me out. I don't want to be that kind of strong, and I'm sorry if I ever tried. "Boy trouble," at its worst, is the experience of losing someone that you love deeply. That should hurt. It should hurt like hell.
No matter how hard the job search gets or how many times my applications get rejected, the heartbreak of losing somebody I love will always trump the dull discouragement of another rejected cover letter.
I have lost people that I loved, to death and to the necessary parting of ways that follows the bitter end of a relationship. Job related rejections may hurt my pride but they won't break my heart. I love my people far, far more than I love my employment status.
So there they are, my words of dark and petty comfort; "At least I'm not like that."

Buddy Love

Bean Bag Chair!

Buddy And Me In My New Beanbag Chair

If you look closely at this picture, you might be able to tell that I have joint compound in my hair from patching the ceiling. Do you see that cup? That is coffee. Coffee, Beanbag and Budinator, who wouldn't be grinning?

I wrote a new post about Michelle's visit, but it's backdated to Nov. 21 which is when she was actually visiting. So scroll back to Nov 21 if you want to read it.

Drain Face

I like the way this style of bathtub drain looks like a face

I like household objects that look like faces, electrical sockets for example. According to some sources wall sockets that look like faces are actually upside down. That's funny, I always think the other way is upside down. Andrew and I intentionally installed our kitchen outlet "upside down" because we think it looks right way up that way and it's nice having it look like a face.

I was telling Andrew that I like the bathtub drain because it looks like face. He said he likes it too, but that it looks like a little pervert with a long nose.

"Why do you think it's a pervert?"

"It's watching you take a bath."

He has a point, but I think it looks peaceful rather than sneaky. I don't think the drain cares much about me one way of the other. I think it's a warm water spirit enjoying the bath and dreaming about steam. That's what I think.

The Drain Face

The Impossible Achieved

I finally discovered a task that I find odious enough that I will apply to jobs as a means of procrastinating. I thought it was impossible, but it's not. That task is skim coating. It's dusty. It's strenuous. It's slow, and the process is not very satisfying. The end result is worth it, but oh how I dislike the journey. I realized how much when I found myself applying to a job to put off going back to it.

By the way, I am writing this blog entry from inside a cardboard box. Buddy has grown too big to sleep in the bed with us. He's only 55lbs, but is a bed hog. I haven't been sleeping well. He has a dog bed but it gets cold at night.
A few days ago a package arrived from my Amazon wishlist, Bean Bag Chairs! The shipping boxes are just the right size for Buddy's dog bed. Buddy's not so sure about the whole idea. At first he refused to go in the box. Once I was in the box he walked in a laid down. It is nice and warm in here and Buddy's dog bed is pretty comfy. Who knows maybe Buddy will just keep sleeping in the bed, and I will end up sleeping in the box.

The Bean Bag Boxes Waiting On The Front Porch

The Budinator At The DP

Buddy wants to go to the Dog Park. He knows;Cuteness will get you everywhere.

We call it the DP when we don't want him to get all excited.

Oh how he loves the Dog Park!

What Joy!

"Will you throw that ball again?"

The Budinator is getting tired...

...but he loves his friends